you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
