I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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