I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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