the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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