like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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