His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
