Cold hands, warm shart.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
