you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
