You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
