So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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