My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
