I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
