I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
