Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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