Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
