Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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