I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
