Need sex. Gaining weight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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