the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
