The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't notice because vodka
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
