She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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