Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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