I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
