Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
