More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
