I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
