Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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