You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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