I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
