well I can't set my house on fire every night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
