"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
