He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so let's talk penis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She needs sedatives and a leash
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
