and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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