Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
