party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
