Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
