I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
