I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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