covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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