everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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