You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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