Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
