if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
