Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
