wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
