so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Randomize
