Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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