Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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