Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
