Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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