also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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