it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
