Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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