Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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