he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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